As we all navigate the new normal of the Covid-19 pandemic, we need to place priority on the emotional health of our youngest generation. The little ones (with big ears!) listening to conversations, watching the news alongside us, and in tune with their parents’ mood and anxiety.

While quarantine life and social distancing are new norms for all of us, it’s important to check in on young children and assure them in positive ways. Kids need our attention and validation to feel safe and protected.

We can help foster emotional health with comforting affirmations and an open dialogue about what’s unfolding around us. Here are 5 powerful things to tell your kids when the world seems scary and out of control.

I love you, you are safe.

Safety and security are at the core of a child’s emotional health. Remind them of all the people looking out for them and protecting them. Let them know that you are taking every precaution to keep them safe. Help them recognize how strong and capable they are.

This will pass.

Turn this into a teachable moment. Life is full of unknowns and unpredictable changes, but tough times don’t last. Drive that point home. Teach them how to weather the storm, and to ride out ups and downs.

When age appropriate (great breakdown of how to approach the conversation by age group here), provide facts and context to kids to eliminate rumors or exaggerations. Setting the story straight is helpful when kids hear stories from friends or let their imaginations run wild.

Example:

Child: “Johnny said this is the end of the world.”

Response: “Yes, people are getting sick and unfortunately, some are dying. But this is not the end of the world, and it will pass as long as we do everything in our power to protect ourselves and others by staying home and practicing good hygiene.”

When your kids ask questions, be honest. Denying that there is a public health emergency sends conflicting messages and creates distrust.

I know this is hard. What do you need from me?

Acknowledge that the situation is difficult. Your validation shows your children that you respect them and are paying attention to their fears.

Asking what you can do to help provides the opportunity to learn what comforts them. Provide ways to cope with the anxiety that presents during times of crisis. Have an open dialogue about ways to support each other.

Affirmations to soothe anxiety:

1. I have the power to do hard things.
2. This world has light, air, food, and comfort just for me because I’m loved and cherished.
3. Happiness and gratitude come easily to me.
4. I always see the bright side or lessons in my life.
5. I will spread and attract good things everywhere I go.
6. I am calm and handle all challenges with ease.
7. I empathize with those in need and send loving thoughts their way.

Let’s find joy in what we have.

Teach your kids to practice gratitude. This will carry them through this time and other challenging obstacles that come up in life. Point out the simple things to be grateful for right now such as a warm home, food, toys, etc.

Look for the helpers.

Yes, the bright side. The antidote to any tragedy or disaster are the community helpers that rise to the occasion. Point out the humans helping humans in big and small ways.

Help your child recognize and appreciate those that are creating solutions for the greater good. Have a conversation about the small ways they too, can make an impact (washing hands, staying home, donating to food banks, etc). Having a positive to focus on can mitigate the anxiety kids may be experiencing.

For more parenting resources:

Helping Children Cope with Changes as a Result of Covid-19

How to  Talk to Kids and Teens about the Coronavirus

Fostering Your Child’s Mental Health

We hope your family benefits from these powerful things to tell your kids when the world seems scary. Check us out on Facebook and get involved!

With my child’s emotional health at the forefront of my parental priorities, positive parenting solutions have been a saving grace. Positive parenting allows for behavior correction while simultaneously building self-esteem and emotional intelligence. A key strategy of positive parenting is logical consequences.

Logical consequences include a cause and effect relationship. They emphasize poor behavior without disparaging or belittling the child. And get this: they actually work! If you’ve hit a wall with discipline and are finding that punishments just aren’t working, give logical consequences a shot and watch as the relationship (and poor behaviors) improve.

Logical Consequences

First, let’s distinguish the difference between consequences and punishments. Punishments are designed to shame a child into compliance and are unrelated to the bad behavior or damage done. Logical consequences are related to the behavior, and should be reasonable for the offense committed.

The message is clear with logical consequences; the behavior is unwanted, not the child. The behavior is bad, not the child. The behavior needs correction, not the child. The goal of logical consequences is to stop misbehaviors and allow children to make more constructive choices in the future.

When implementing logical consequences consider the 3 Rs.

Reasonable: the consequence should come from sound judgement, and needs to be fair and sensible. Try not to go overboard. A good way to ensure that a consequence is coming from a good place, is to step back from anger. Implement the reasonable consequence once the situation has deescalated.

Respectful: the consequence needs to be free from shame or disparagement, and should not be intended to manipulate or coerce. Logical consequences should provide an opportunity for a child to grow and learn from their mistake without stifling emotional development.

Relatable: the consequence should have a definitive correlation to the behavior itself. The child needs to be able to connect the bad behavior to its consequence, in order to understand the wrongdoing.

Examples of Logical Consequences:

• If a child doesn’t brush his teeth, he isn’t allowed dessert.
• If a child throws a toy at someone, the toy is taken away.
• If a child receives a poor grade, they must spend extra time after school studying.
• If a child is mean to little brother at bath time, they are no longer allowed to bathe together.

For instance, in a fit of frustration, my son threw a straw from his capri sun at me. The logical consequence to that action, is no capri suns for lunch the next day. Reasonable, respectful and relatable. Those are the key elements of a logical consequence.

Another component to logical consequences is setting expectations and following through. Be sure that the child knows what the standards are for good behavior, and call out when they exceed those limits. And remember, a logical consequence that is simply a “threat” with no follow up will be ineffective. Consistency and execution are crucial to implementing logical consequences that work.

Restorative Practices

Subsequent to logical consequence are restorative practices. If a bad behavior causes damage or harm, a good way to teach and rectify, is to use restorative practices. A key element of restorative practices or justice is empathy. When a child is obligated to remedy a wrong-doing, they begin to understand the extent of the damage caused by their poor choice and the effort it takes to fix it.

Examples of Restorative Practices:

• If a child colors on the walls, she cleans the wall.
• If a child knocks down another’s tower, she rebuilds it for them.
• If a child dumps their milk out, they clean up the mess.
• If a child throws trash on the floor, they come back to take it to the proper receptacle.

It makes perfect sense, right? You break it, you fix it. You dump it, you clean it.

With restorative practices, the offender is responsible for making things right, which builds the kind of character we want to see in our children. In addition, restorative practices can develop personal responsibility and accountability. Two important things that imposing punishment alone, will not accomplish.

Natural Consequences

As the old saying goes, “If you don’t listen, you feel.”

What we “feel” is the natural consequence of not making a good decision.

Similar to logical consequences yet slightly different, natural consequences happen as the result of an action, but aren’t implemented or enforced by a caregiver.

Examples of Natural Consequences:

• Not wearing a coat and feeling cold.
• Leaving toys outside and finding them ruined by the rain.
• Forgetting homework at home and not receiving credit for it.

As parents, we often feel the urge to remove obstacles our children face in order to spare them discomfort. The reality is, it can be beneficial to let kids experience things firsthand in order for it to have a lasting impact. If a child has their stuffed animal ruined or stolen after leaving it outside, the pain or discomfort they feel will propel them to consider a behavior change, such as leaving stuffed animals inside next time.

Natural consequences can be hard to allow without parental interference. However, allowing a consequence to happen naturally can build resiliency and encourage healthy decision making skills.

A few key components to natural consequences:

There are definitely situations where allowing a natural consequence would not be appropriate. When a child’s safety or overall well-being is in jeopardy, another form of discipline should be implemented. For example, a child playing in the road or refusing to brush their teeth. The danger of playing in the street and the health implications of not brushing teeth override the learning experience of a natural consequence. The child should also be old enough to comprehend the reason for the consequence.

Additionally, a parent should not participate in “I told you so” shaming of a child after experiencing a natural consequence. Always approach a child with empathy and validate their feelings to promote emotional health. Respect works both ways! The goal is not to shame a child into making better choices, but to provide them the opportunity to do so.

We hope these strategies work for you and improve the relationship you have with your child! For more positive parenting advice, check out our Positive Language Alternatives to Tame a Child’s Tantrum.

More guidelines for positive parenting here.

“Don’t cry. Stop crying. Big boys don’t cry.”

I overheard these commands in a recent exchange between a young boy and caregiver. The child was having a hard time and for his caregiver, this was unacceptable. He wiped his eyes and became stoic, clearly repressing his emotions.

While I don’t know what caused this child to feel upset, I know that in that moment he was coached to conceal his emotions and silence himself. He was taught that his feelings were invalid and needed to be quelled. He learned that showing emotion is weakness.

“Real men are strong. Real men are apathetic. Real men are tough. Real men are aggressive and show dominance via violence.”

We know all of these things to be untrue. So why do we perpetuate these ideas for our boys?

This is toxic masculinity. These are the dangerous conclusions boys are drawing about themselves and the way they should interact with others.

“Denying boys the opportunity to express themselves and experience their full range of emotion can have everlasting effects on their emotional and mental health.”

In the age of the all important MeToo movement and focus on female empowerment, it’s easy to overlook our boys, and how important it is to nurture their emotional needs in order to create a place for them to thrive in our ever-changing society.

Denying boys the opportunity to express themselves and experience their full range of emotion can have everlasting effects on their emotional and mental health. By teaching them that emotion is weakness, we stifle their emotional intelligence and impact the success of their personal relationships and happiness. They begin to adopt the belief that emotional beings are lesser or inferior, which in turn, distorts the way they view their female counterparts.

I am a mother of boys. I recognize the challenges they face. I’m doing this work for them. And my hope is that in sharing 5 Tips for Raising Emotionally Healthy boys, I can impact the young men who will grow up alongside them. Let’s create a safe space for our children to share, to feel, and to be open with one another.

Be Mindful of the Ways You May be Contributing to Toxic Masculinity

Let’s first define toxic masculinity as traditional cultural masculine norms that can be harmful to men, women, and society. Overall, this concept of toxic masculinity is not intended to demonize men or male attributes, but rather to emphasize the harmful effects of conformity to certain traditional masculine ideal behaviors such as dominance, self-reliance, and competition.

Being mindful of the ways we contribute to toxic masculinity can be uncomfortable, but reflecting on our upbringing and the old-fashioned ideals we carry around can help curb tendencies to perpetuate it. Some examples of this are:

• Feminizing males as a means of insulting them
• Shaming males for displaying affection
• Asserting the notion that men are superior to women

Toxic masculinity can also be evident in the way we communicate with one another.

Common phrases (and those similar to these) that discourage emotional health:

• • “Man up.”
  • “Boys don’t cry.”
  • “Thats a female trait.”

Parents, let him cry. Teach him that crying is human and a healthy way to express sadness, frustration, and anger. Firmly establish the idea that showing emotion is not feminine or weak, but rather a normal form of emotional expression.

Create a Safe Environment for Emotional Expression

Subsequent to the point above, cultivating an emotionally friendly environment in which sharing feelings is not only normal but encouraged, is essential to raising emotionally healthy boys. Never shutdown an emotionally charged conversation. Rather, calmly discuss anger and frustrations and allow kids to express themselves safely.

Teach him to identify his feelings and validate them. The practice of “taking an emotional temperature” is a great one to implement with your child. Describe each feeling (sad, angry, surprised, embarrassed, etc) and have him choose the one that best describes his current “emotional temperature.” Then contemplate what could be triggering these feelings and devise healthy practices for working through them.

Monitor the Media Your Child Consumes

Violence is a major theme in most of the media young boys consume including television, movies, and video games. Try to lead  them towards nonviolent shows and games. Teach them that conflict does not have to be resolved with aggression or violence.

Additionally, exposure to movies or books with female leads or heroes is a good way to bridge the gender gap.

Model Emotionally Healthy Behaviors

The American Psychological Association warns that “traditional masculinity ideology” is associated with negative effects on mental and physical health. Men who adhere to traditionally masculine cultural norms, experience increased risk of psychological problems such as depression, stress, body image issues, substance abuse, and poor social functioning.

To eliminate the negative effects toxic masculinity plays on mental and physical health, model emotional responsibility and lead by example.

Scenario:

When a car cuts you off in traffic, try to refrain from aggressive reactions such as tailgating, inappropriate gestures, name-calling, etc. Take a deep breath and assess why this action is affecting you in a such a way. Is it something going on at work? An underlying anger? By practicing emotional responsibility in front of our children, it becomes a natural way of reaction for them as well.

Encourage Them to Set Healthy Boundaries

Emotional health requires boundaries and does not include powerless or pushover behavior. Teach assertiveness, strength, and confidence. Remember – we want kids to condemn disrespectful behavior and to stick up for others. We need them to show courage in the face of injustice.

Encourage him to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards him, and how to respond when someone passes those limits.

To teach healthy boundaries, ask your kids to play what-if scenarios. Ask them what they would say in certain situations and listen to their responses. Then, offer them several phrases they can use to self-advocate, and remind them to use their words and that violence is never the answer.

We hope you found our 5 Tips for Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys insightful. For more on building the values that connect us, be sure to read our Simple Methods for Teaching Kids Kindness and Empathy

As my son gets older and more submerged into the world around him, I often find myself hard-pressed on how well he will be able to cope. Have I prepared my child for the trials and tribulations of life that is to come? Have I implemented all the tools necessary to ensure a happy life for him? Surely I can’t guarantee his happiness, but I can give him a strong foundation for his mental health – and that could be everything.

Children learn from the behavior modeled by the important adults in their life.

The month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month, a topic near and dear to my heart. And as an advocate for mental health (and a parent), it is not lost on me how influential my role is on my sons childhood mental health.

As described in a 2013 MMWR report, mental health in childhood is characterized by “…the achievement of development and emotional milestones, healthy social development, and effective coping skills, such that mentally healthy children have a positive quality of life and can function well at home, in school, and in their communities.”

There are many other ways to foster your child’s mental health. Here are some daily steps to keep your child as mentally healthy as possible.

First and foremost, our children learn by example. As parents, there is so much we can offer to help nurture their mental health during the most developmental stages of their life. Here are just a few:

1. Build Their Self-esteem

• Be on Your Child’s Team: Regularly support and encourage your child. Make sure to praise their efforts, not their achievements, and to believe them and believe in them.
• Let Them Learn Naturally: Promote independent learning. Have your child experience and accept the natural consequences of life and experience the benefits of positive actions as well.
• Encourage Healthy Self-Talk: Use words of encouragement and daily affirmations. See our list of affirmations for kids here.
• Ensure Their Sense of Belonging: Your child needs to feel like they are invited, accepted and loved. Make sure to spend family time together, play with them and remind them how valuable they are.

2. Create a Safe and Comfortable Environment

Provide an environment that demonstrates love, compassion, trust and understanding every day. Let your child know you are a safe place and confidant when it comes to their feelings and thoughts. Implement a predictable routine in the household, as to create a sense of stability and comfort.

3. Establish Healthy Habits

Make sure your child is getting enough rest, eating healthy foods and getting enough play time/exercise. Physical health is just as important.

4. Explain Feelings and Reactions

Listen to how your child is feeling and validate their emotions. Guide your child through big feelings and show them important coping mechanisms and ways to manage challenges (like meditation). Teach them the importance of expressing their emotions through language.

5. Model Healthy Behavior

Children learn from the behavior modeled by the important adults in their life – so be sure to lead by example the best strategies regarding self-care, healthy social interactions, communication and emotional stability.

These guidelines aren’t just for children either, but are important for everyone looking to take care of their mental health! If you enjoyed this post, you might want to read this post on building your child’s confidence.

Note: Through research, I was able to find these helpful tips on nurturing children’s mental health. If you have suggestions or advice, we would love to hear it! Comment below or email us at contact@rockitmama.com.